Advice For A Good Result For Your Child In A Juvenile Case
The most important thing to do in a juvenile case is to get released from juvenile detention and do well in the community. With the more serious juvenile charges, that is easier said than done. Here is my common-sense list of what you or your juvenile should do to stay out of juvenile detention and get a good result generally:
- Do not let your kid get in any more trouble. That sounds easy. It can be hard because you and your juvenile need to make changes. Change is hard. Sit down with your child and discuss honestly what led him or her to be in court and fix those things when s/he gets out of detention. You will see that a lot of what the court system does is give you and your child reasons to make changes. Make those changes now, on your own and things will be better. Ask these questions:
- Is my child struggling with substance use? A reasonable parent will stop a child from using drugs and alcohol. There is a reason that alcohol and legal marijuana is not legal for young people – it hurts your brain development. Some kids with certain issues, like ADHD, have even more trouble with marijuana, alcohol and addiction. The advent of recreational marijuana in Colorado means potent doses of marijuana are available everywhere. Some kids have trouble stopping. If you have any doubts, presumptive urinalysis tests are available at your local drug store. You can also ask the court to require random drug screening (and avoid being the enforcer). Some parents have taken away personal property from their children and left them without hiding places for drugs. It is a parent’s prerogative to search a child’s room and stuff if drugs or alcohol is a problem.
- Is my child struggling with grief? Second to substances, grief and trauma are common precursors to juvenile offenses. Grief is especially insidious because the whole family may be suffering and somewhat debilitated by it. Young people do not have the coping skills to deal with grief. Get your child professional help if grief is affecting your kid.
- Is my child suffering from depression, anxiety or some other mental health situation? If you are asking this question, then maybe it is time to at least do a mental health screening. You do not have to have a diagnosis to find a competent therapist and get your child started with regular sessions.
- Are you letting your own trauma issues affect your parenting? Damaged people have difficulties not letting that damage come out when parenting, especially when a child has gotten in trouble. Now would be a great time to start or resume counseling if you need it. Do not pass on your trauma to your child.
- Do you need some coaching to be a better parent? Some parents are too strict. Some parents, not strict enough. Some parents cannot help engaging with their children in negative ways. Some parents want to be friends too much. Some parents do not engage at all. Get some advice. Find a good parenting book for your age of child and read it. Work on doing better. You can engage with your child in family counseling and probably should if things are bad in your relationship with your child. You are the most effective person to correct your child’s mistakes in thinking and behavior.
- Is my child struggling with substance use? A reasonable parent will stop a child from using drugs and alcohol. There is a reason that alcohol and legal marijuana is not legal for young people – it hurts your brain development. Some kids with certain issues, like ADHD, have even more trouble with marijuana, alcohol and addiction. The advent of recreational marijuana in Colorado means potent doses of marijuana are available everywhere. Some kids have trouble stopping. If you have any doubts, presumptive urinalysis tests are available at your local drug store. You can also ask the court to require random drug screening (and avoid being the enforcer). Some parents have taken away personal property from their children and left them without hiding places for drugs. It is a parent’s prerogative to search a child’s room and stuff if drugs or alcohol is a problem.
- Cut off contact with the bad influences. One way a lot of juveniles get in more trouble is that they keep the same friend circle and repeat the behaviors that got him or her in trouble in the first place. Your juvenile may not want to leave the bad influences behind. S/he may be in love, may enjoy the thrill of breaking the rules, or just want to be out of the house as much as possible. If your kid’s friends are co-respondents, s/he will have protection orders issued by the court that will prevent them from having contact. That does not mean your child will follow the protection orders. You might want to consider changing your kid’s phone number, monitoring his or her social media accounts, and even replacing a smartphone with an old-style flip phone. You can get rid of internet access altogether if your juvenile is having trouble following the rules and staying away from bad influences. Social media is how these young people communicate and share bad ideas. You may have to do more to stop this communication. When your child leaves detention, consider enforcing a break from the phone and social media. Consider a 90-day break (or more). Turn off the phone and leave it off.
- Enforce a curfew. It shocks me that some parents let their teens set their own schedules. Kids need lots of sleep, healthy food and structure to thrive. A curfew makes rest, nutrition and structure easier. Make sure your child is home for meals and a reasonable bedtime. Some juveniles will be on tracking when they get out of detention. That is something a parent can request if being home on time has been an issue. A parent can ask that tracking continue if the case manager wants to end that supervision too soon. Ideally, the parent takes over the tracking role when formal tracking ends. Do not be reluctant to require constant contact from your child. You are entitled to know where s/he is and what s/he is doing and with whom. Some kids runaway or sneak out of the home. You need to take steps to prevent or detect this behavior if you learn it might be happening. It’s not okay for a juvenile to be carousing at all hours with friends, especially with a pending juvenile case.
- Get your kid to school. Maybe your child is doing well with school. If so, this section does not apply to him or her. Often, kids find bad things to do while they skip school. Go meet with the principal. Meet with the teachers. Ask uncomfortable questions. Tell the educators you want their help correcting the attitude and behavior of your kid. Help your juvenile not skip classes or school. Ask about services you can access to monitor and enforce your child’s attendance at school. If your child is struggling in school, find out why. Is your child doing his/her homework? Is your child having trouble with a learning disability? Now is not the time to ignore school problems. Kids who have trouble with school tend to act out. Helping a child succeed in school can help his or her self-esteem and behavior. Even if you cannot go back to in person school, get started with online learning and do it for at least six hours/day. Online learning is hard. Maybe spend an hour or two with your kid each day for the first three weeks engaging with the online curriculum and help him or her get in a habit of school.
- Find healthy activities to do. It is very important that a young person get a lot of exercise each week. Your child should be getting five hours of exercise each week. Take a walk. Ride a bike. Go on a hike. Get started with organized sports. You can do these things together. When you have free time and cannot exercise, find other things you and your child like to do. Read a book. Start a craft hobby. Join a club. Fill your time with things that make you happy and spend quality time together. Sometimes kids act out because they want more attention. Bored kids figure out how to entertain themselves, sometimes in ways that break the law.
- Do not hesitate to report your child’s serious violations of household rules. The hardest thing for many parents is to get a child to behave when s/he is used to not behaving. Parents have to weather some misbehavior while on this path. If the misbehavior does not put your child or others at risk, it is best to apply a consequence to him or her. When behavior puts your child or others at risk – things like leaving home, physical defiance, driving without a license, possession of guns – you should report it to the case manager(s) and the court. If you do not make a report, then you may undermine your credibility as a safe placement for your child. Too many young people get hurt or hurt others when parents fail to address serious behavior. Would you rather have a kid who is mad at you for snitching or a grave site to visit?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: ©Matt Werner. Matt represents a diverse set of clients who need a seasoned and hard-working trial attorney. He makes himself available 24 hours/day, seven days/week for his clients when they need urgent advice. You will find him to be a knowledgeable advocate for you. Matt has been with Alpern Myers Stuart LLC since 1998.